ENGLISH
Home > CASCISCUS > ENGLISH > [Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others
Total Views: 93507 Share : Facebook ShareFacebook Twitter ShareTwitter Google+ ShareGoogle+
Page 161 of 161 | ‹ First  < 156 157 158 159 160 161

jknow - 16/10/2012 03:27 PM
#3201

Quote:
Original Posted By Dwyane
can someone help me to make a revision in my assignment? \(


hehe.. already done by Rahan.
thx with all honor that u trust me to correct ur essay..hahaha.. u have to know that i am not quite good in writing. u choose wrong person.hehe..
Dwyane - 16/10/2012 03:36 PM
#3202

Quote:
Original Posted By rahan
First rule: Don't put the text under quotation

My product is about Apple, but this is not iPhone, iPod, iPad or other common product. I can say it “Projector in your Pocket”

This is Apple TV. Apple products that can make us do not need the Projector again. We just need a TV with a HDMI connector, and you can connect your ios Device to your HDTV, we just need the Apple TV as our connector, plus Wi-Fi. So, why waste your money to buy a projector. Just plug it in and discover a whole world of movies, TV shows, photos, music and more. You must need a better couch.

The size of this product is relatively small, with just 3,9’ inches length and width, and less than 1 inches height. You can hold it in the palm of your hand; you can bring it everywhere you want.

Around the Back, there are four connectors. Power connector, HDMI Connector, Optical Audio connector, and Ethernet Connector.

Four of some Content of Apple TV
You can stream content in Netflix as streaming library that you can stream it for free if you are Netflix subscriber. You can also watch anything you want in Youtube including the HD stuff that they have now. You can get photos in Flickr, and also you can know anything about NBA here. Like watching the live game, watching the highlights and many more.

Home menu of Apple TV
There are : Movies , TV Shows, Music, Computers, Settings, Netflix, Hulu Plus, iTunes Festival, MLB TV, NBA, NHL, Trailers, Youtube, vimeo, Podcasts, Radio, Photo stream, Flickr, and WSJ Live. You can stream the menu that you want to watch.


One of the best feature in Apple TV. Airplay lets you wirelessly stream what is on your iOs device to your HDTV and Speakers via Apple TV. Or mirror exactly what is on your display to the big screen. Vacation photos, blockbusters, the latest games . If you have an iPhone with exciting video that you want to share with your family in your family room TV, you could use this Airplay to make the screen better in HDTV. Listening to the music in your Family for better sound quality.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bit of my version:

Well, good morning and hello everyone, the purpose of my presentation today is to explain about Apple TV. Well, I'm sure you all have been familiar with iPod, iPhone and iPad. In fact, perhaps some of the audience today are using one of those. Well, what about the Apple TV? In general, I'd say "It's a projector, in your pocket."

This is Apple TV. (displaying the product)
This particular Apple product has brought us the ability that can make us forget the need of a projector.

All we need is just a TV with an HDMI connector, and you can connect all of your iOS device to your HDTV, Wi-Fi will enable us to utilize Apple TV as our hub, so everything will be connected neatly. Now I'll give you more reasons as to why we shouldn't waste our money on a traditional projector. With Apple TV, it is as simple as: One, plug it in and Two, discover a whole world of movies, TV shows, photos, music and more. You may consider to get a better couch, cause once you get the Apple TV in your living room, it is likely that it'll be your most favorite place to hang out with your friends and family. (Hence, the new couch will come in handy.)

(Add the reason why, if you copy paste from the website, coz = Website audience is different from real audience. In the website "You're gonna need a better couch." It is self-explaining. But during a real presentation, you should back up your statement and make yourself as clear as possible.)

for the rest of the presentation, there's nothing really wrong, except for the one I underline, still the whole composition feels choppy, fragmented, if u know what I mean. Best way to improve it, I guess, go to youtube and download the video. Watch how Steve explained his product, (Apple TV). And modify it as it suits you.

keyword: Apple Special Event September 1, 2010 Apple TV launch, ipod launch

v=ujcg9BxJSXQ

sorry, I've got class to teach. So bye now. Hope it can be useful. iloveindonesias Yb

Btw, thanks for your revision
I think this is your revision about how to present Apple TV, but never mind I still can use it to my Writing assignment hehee..

That's why I love kaskus ilovekaskuss
Quote:
Original Posted By jknow
hehe.. already done by Rahan.
thx with all honor that u trust me to correct ur essay..hahaha.. u have to know that i am not quite good in writing. u choose wrong person.hehe..


Why not?
Everybody has different style in Writing, Everyone can learn from everybody \)

hehehe..

revisi dulu akh ngacir:
rahan - 16/10/2012 03:43 PM
#3203

Dwyane ...

Honestly, I am confused. Two things. Do you want to create a product review? (your experience after using the product for quite some time) and Who is your audience? (Teacher / Lecturer / Fellow students ?)

Add the fact that I am not familiar with any of the Apple product, I can't say anything since I have no idea about the product your trying to review.

Language-wise, however, we can try to PARAPHRASE it from existing sources:
(I'll teach you how to use internet, in this case, not a language)

Let's say now that you are writing to influence the reader. You can write a positive review, negative review, or you can also write a neutral review.

First, decide how long will your writing be? How many words will you type? How many paragraph do you need? Are you writing it from your own experience or from other people review of that product? After you make peace with yourself (by answering those questions), read the useful explanation and discussion in here:
http://www.affiliateblogonline.com/2010/06/22/how-to-write-a-product-review-when-you-dont-own-the-pro duct/

In that blog, you should be able to learn the main difference of a personal review and when you don't own the product. Read it carefully. Absorb the knowledge which was discussed there.

And then, go check these three links:
1. http://www.whathifi.com/review/tv
2. http://www.whathifi.com/news/update-apple-tv-gets-full-hd-1080p-and-new-interface
3. http://www.amazon.com/Apple-TV-MD199LL-NEWEST-VERSION/dp/B007I5JT4S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350409771 &sr=8-1&keywords=apple+tv

Check their review, in the amazon link, as expected, there are many of those Apple TV reviews.

Finally we arrive at our learning point. Read those reviews in about one hour and a half, and then write your own version. It's not copy - paste. The technique is called paraphrase and it means "To present similar idea in slightly different lexical resource or grammatical structure." Do your own version of mix and match. Make it proper for your audience / reader.

Writing a new essay using paraphrase technique will take you about thirty minutes, and add ten more minutes to edit the whole thing. The essay is already there, but there is still one last thing to do.

Final step: Read your 'creation' essay, try to memorize it, and then begin to write the same essay from scratch, hand-writing is a must. Writing is a reflex, and re-writing will force you to remember the vocab, structure, conjunction, etc... This final version is 'equitable' since you wrote it in one go and no editing, just relying on your short-term memory. But you'll learn something from this process.
impostor777 - 17/10/2012 12:37 PM
#3204

Hi all, i need your help!!!!! first of all, my english is really bad......

well, right now i have assignment about how to make abstract

and my lecturer say that my abstract is WRONG, but he dont tell me what is wrong about....

here is my abstract :

This study is performed to examine the effect of Index Nasdaq, Index Hang Seng, and Index Straits Times on Jakarta Composite Index in Indonesia Stock Exchange.
The samples used in this research were Index Nasdaq, Index Hang Seng, and Index Straits Times during 2008-2009. Period of 2008 indicate a bearish period, and 2009 indicate a bullish period. Research Sampling technique using purposive sampling. The analysis technique using multiple regression with the least square difference and hypothesis test using t-statistic to examine partial regression coefficient and F-statistic to examine the mean of mutual effect with level of significance 5%.
This research results that partially Index Nasdaq, Index Hang Seng, and Index Straits Times give significantly positive effect Jakarta Composite Index. While simultaneously Index Nasdaq, Index Hang Seng, and Index Straits Times proof significantly influent Jakarta Composite Index.


help T_T and thank you.....
Dwyane - 17/10/2012 06:56 PM
#3205

Quote:
Original Posted By rahan
Dwyane ...

Honestly, I am confused. Two things. Do you want to create a product review? (your experience after using the product for quite some time) and Who is your audience? (Teacher / Lecturer / Fellow students ?)

Add the fact that I am not familiar with any of the Apple product, I can't say anything since I have no idea about the product your trying to review.

Language-wise, however, we can try to PARAPHRASE it from existing sources:
(I'll teach you how to use internet, in this case, not a language)

Let's say now that you are writing to influence the reader. You can write a positive review, negative review, or you can also write a neutral review.

First, decide how long will your writing be? How many words will you type? How many paragraph do you need? Are you writing it from your own experience or from other people review of that product? After you make peace with yourself (by answering those questions), read the useful explanation and discussion in here:
http://www.affiliateblogonline.com/2010/06/22/how-to-write-a-product-review-when-you-dont-own-the-pro duct/

In that blog, you should be able to learn the main difference of a personal review and when you don't own the product. Read it carefully. Absorb the knowledge which was discussed there.

And then, go check these three links:
1. http://www.whathifi.com/review/tv
2. http://www.whathifi.com/news/update-apple-tv-gets-full-hd-1080p-and-new-interface
3. http://www.amazon.com/Apple-TV-MD199LL-NEWEST-VERSION/dp/B007I5JT4S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1350409771 &sr=8-1&keywords=apple+tv

Check their review, in the amazon link, as expected, there are many of those Apple TV reviews.

Finally we arrive at our learning point. Read those reviews in about one hour and a half, and then write your own version. It's not copy - paste. The technique is called paraphrase and it means "To present similar idea in slightly different lexical resource or grammatical structure." Do your own version of mix and match. Make it proper for your audience / reader.

Writing a new essay using paraphrase technique will take you about thirty minutes, and add ten more minutes to edit the whole thing. The essay is already there, but there is still one last thing to do.

Final step: Read your 'creation' essay, try to memorize it, and then begin to write the same essay from scratch, hand-writing is a must. Writing is a reflex, and re-writing will force you to remember the vocab, structure, conjunction, etc... This final version is 'equitable' since you wrote it in one go and no editing, just relying on your short-term memory. But you'll learn something from this process.


I want to create the Writing Print-Out of my presentation
I want to explain that product, every student have their own product to present
Audience : Dosen & My classmate

I think the point is "How to create my powerpoint into microsoft word"
Move the value in PPT to Word, and explain more..

Hmm..
Okay thank you for you advice and revision
I'm glad you want to help me cendols
GarudaForever - 18/10/2012 09:58 AM
#3206
Help me edit in UK English-Thank you
Hello...It has been a long time since i wrote in English and I am confused to do this exercise...This is the real test.

Everyone will enjoy the romance and culture of Frances most famous city. And I have to say that travelling down the streets of Paris is not enough to inspire even the most stony hearts. An historic city known as the “city of light”, vacationers will enjoy beautiful places of interest; such as Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe

If culture doesnt interest you, why don’t you go for a bite? Travellers will love the famous French cuisine; with croquet-monsieur, pain au chocolat, and chocolat chaud waiting on every street corner. Their is plenty to see in the capital city – including the bayeux tapestry, which’d make anyone stare in awe. France is enchanting at any time of the year, from Spring to Fall, but as the weather grows colder ,visitors may appreciate the myriad galleries’ and museums that the city has to offer, including the Louvre; see if you can spot Mona Lisas smile, or find a sculpture by Michelangelo.

Whatever you love to do, it’s guaranteed that by the end of your visit, you will fall in love with Paris.

Below is my edited version..can you please correct this:
Everyone will enjoy all the romance and culture of France’s most famous city. And I have to say that travelling down the streets of Paris is not enough to inspire even the most stony hearts. An historic city known as the “city of light”, vacationers will enjoy beautiful places of interest; such as Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, and the Arc de Triomphe.

If culture doesn’t interest you, why don’t you go for a bite? Travellers will love the famous French cuisine; with croquet-monsieur, pain au chocolat, and chocolat chaud and you can find them on every street corner. There are plenty to see in the capital city – including the bayeux tapestry, which’d make anyone stare in awe. France is enchanting at any time of the year, from Spring to Fall, but as the weather grows colder, visitors may appreciate the myriad galleries’ and museums the city offers, including the Louvre; see if you can spot Mona Lisa’s smile, or find a sculpture by Michelangelo.


Whatever you love doing it’s guaranteed that by the end of your visit, you will fall in love with Paris.


Page 161 of 161 | ‹ First  < 156 157 158 159 160 161
Home > CASCISCUS > ENGLISH > [Writing] Improve your writing, get it revised by others